Mediocre Media

Bhaiyya channels are driving me crazy these days. Did I see a few raised eyebrows already? Oh yeah, I don’t blame you for wondering what exactly I mean by ‘bhaiyya channels’. Allow me to explain. Ever seen a headline on a national news channel that goes “Bebo ne Shahid ka dil toda, Chote Nawab ho gaye Bipasha se alag”?? Amazingly, this ain’t one of those harmless little tickers at the bottom of the screen that flashes by, often escaping your attention. It’s in your face. It’s not just a headline, it’s some sort of a special “investigative” report, meant for primetime telecast – to be discussed and dissected by panwaala-like anchors and the most unqualified of guest panels. Jeezus, Mary, Joseph and the Bethlehem carpenters’ union! People, these are national news channels, the operative words being ‘national’ and ‘news’.

Just when you think this may have been a mere passing shower (so to speak), it continues to pour rubbish. The formula seems to be straight forward. Keep it simple, stupid – nothing turns India on like bollywood and cricket. While the programming seems to be backed by good market research, it’s the positioning that’s a mismatch – for the love of God, not on a NEWS channel. It must be difficult to keep viewers glued to the screen when you are a 24 hour news channel (I told Ted Turner that the 24-hour thing was a bad idea :D)….. unless…..unless….. you can generate news that people can use. Did you spot Dhoni and Ms. Padukone walking the ramp together? Bingo! That’s gold dust; just manufacture a headline out of it – “Can Dhoni bowl this maiden over??” WINK WINK ... Piece of cake :-)

Traditionally, politics used to be the opium of the masses and hence content revolved primarily around political news and discussions. But that’s history, the youth no longer seem to give a rat’s a$$ about who’s winning and losing elections. They seem more interested in knowing which bollywood star is dating whom and why sledging the Australians is a good idea! I don’t blame the media entirely for trying to keep up with shifting consumer tastes; after all, I’ve had my fair share of laughs too, courtesy the “news”. In fact, why the hell do I sound like I’m cribbing about this whole thing? I just love it. So much so, that a few bhaiyya channels have been duly added to the RED button on my remote, which is meant for favorites :-) Dinner tastes better with the masala mix that I encounter while flipping through stuff on that red button.

Here are a few more gems, and a typical signoff, from a reporter who brought these to life:

“Bahurani ka pehla janam din, Bachchan pariwar pahuncha Mumbai”

“Aish ne manaya apna pehla karwachauth, kareebi dost bhi the maujoot”

A news anchor to Joginder Sharma’s wife: “Vistaar se bataiye ki shukrawar ki raat Joginder jab ghar launtenge to aap dono kya karenge?” !!!

- Champak Singh, panwaala, Kal Tak!!